The Mistress
I saw her coming. From down the way with her smooth lips and sparkly eyes. She glittered with shameless decoration and even as I glanced away repulsed, he leaned forward, eager to view more.
The distant sight of her began a boiling anger in me, spark of jealousy fueled by fear. Couldn't we take a different path? Perhaps this road wouldn't pass us by her door. But it seemed there she was at every intersection. We'd have to pass through her garden to continue this journey. Was there no other way?
Even her yard was design to draw men into her. She lounged in the center of roses enticing to taste her goods. His heart was pulled, his mind no longer with and for me. She won him by challenging his manhood. He could conquer her. She would make him worth more.
As he began spending more time thinking of her and how pursuing her my life became a turmoil. There was no more begging to be done. The passive agressive treatments would kill the time we had together. He'd just learn to dread me. He tried to be a better person. On the surface he become more committed to me. Yet her presents, even as he tried to become better than he ever had before, was continually with him.
To each woman he was fully committed. He did not look at her when I needed his attention. In fact he did try to be more with me when he was out of her presents. Perhaps I should get used to this? He says she promises a better career, better pay and in fact his boss requires him to visit her. It would be over soon, she'd be fully mastered and known and no longer a challenge.
I tried to tell myself it would only be for a while then he'd be all mine again, but something inside warned that this could be only the beginning. When he was done conquering this lover there would be more. Because nothing would have changed. The enticements would remain. The promises would be dangled again and his service and devotion required. I could argue all the old arguements once again. Yet I'd fail and she'd win. So this is how the great marriages of history have gone. Get a life of my own or pine away.
So I have no choice. The wife cannot promise a better career or better pay. The wife cannot give more than the mistress. To make him choose is to lose the love he has left. Winning his heart back seems to be the only answer but what if it too fails? Will he only get his mistress and his wife? It doesn't seem fair.
Yet fairness is not what this life is about. God too is jealous for our hearts. We can do good works and we can be more devoted than ever while keeping a part of ourselves for the other loves. The Lord wants our full passion with nothing held back. It's not fair He gave His only Son to show us how to live. It's not fair when He blesses our undeserving lives. He pursues and never tires of showing us love, even while we wipe our lips after tasting our mistress. He's always ready to accept us back. He's always waiting. He's always hopeful. His jealousy burns deep but He doesn't fear. His is pure love seeking us at lover's bed. He will not be disuaded. He promises a life of carrying a cross, persecution and rivalry. He promises peace beyond understanding, protection from the storm and a forever life with Him. He is not fair, He is God. I'm in His image but so fallen and nearsighted that I can only see today. I'm abandonded by an earthly love I thought was all mine. This is only part of the journey. His loves never fails and His love for me is enough for a lifetime and beyond, I need no other. He can fill the heartache. He alone can be trusted 100% to never leave. We are baptized unto His death and raised in His resurrection. He is the way, the truth and the life.
This is my choice. To take to Him my aching heart and desires. To let Him heal the wounds. To make Him the center from which my life revolves. To solemnly remember the mistress and to weed her from my heart dilgently.
The distant sight of her began a boiling anger in me, spark of jealousy fueled by fear. Couldn't we take a different path? Perhaps this road wouldn't pass us by her door. But it seemed there she was at every intersection. We'd have to pass through her garden to continue this journey. Was there no other way?
Even her yard was design to draw men into her. She lounged in the center of roses enticing to taste her goods. His heart was pulled, his mind no longer with and for me. She won him by challenging his manhood. He could conquer her. She would make him worth more.
As he began spending more time thinking of her and how pursuing her my life became a turmoil. There was no more begging to be done. The passive agressive treatments would kill the time we had together. He'd just learn to dread me. He tried to be a better person. On the surface he become more committed to me. Yet her presents, even as he tried to become better than he ever had before, was continually with him.
To each woman he was fully committed. He did not look at her when I needed his attention. In fact he did try to be more with me when he was out of her presents. Perhaps I should get used to this? He says she promises a better career, better pay and in fact his boss requires him to visit her. It would be over soon, she'd be fully mastered and known and no longer a challenge.
I tried to tell myself it would only be for a while then he'd be all mine again, but something inside warned that this could be only the beginning. When he was done conquering this lover there would be more. Because nothing would have changed. The enticements would remain. The promises would be dangled again and his service and devotion required. I could argue all the old arguements once again. Yet I'd fail and she'd win. So this is how the great marriages of history have gone. Get a life of my own or pine away.
So I have no choice. The wife cannot promise a better career or better pay. The wife cannot give more than the mistress. To make him choose is to lose the love he has left. Winning his heart back seems to be the only answer but what if it too fails? Will he only get his mistress and his wife? It doesn't seem fair.
Yet fairness is not what this life is about. God too is jealous for our hearts. We can do good works and we can be more devoted than ever while keeping a part of ourselves for the other loves. The Lord wants our full passion with nothing held back. It's not fair He gave His only Son to show us how to live. It's not fair when He blesses our undeserving lives. He pursues and never tires of showing us love, even while we wipe our lips after tasting our mistress. He's always ready to accept us back. He's always waiting. He's always hopeful. His jealousy burns deep but He doesn't fear. His is pure love seeking us at lover's bed. He will not be disuaded. He promises a life of carrying a cross, persecution and rivalry. He promises peace beyond understanding, protection from the storm and a forever life with Him. He is not fair, He is God. I'm in His image but so fallen and nearsighted that I can only see today. I'm abandonded by an earthly love I thought was all mine. This is only part of the journey. His loves never fails and His love for me is enough for a lifetime and beyond, I need no other. He can fill the heartache. He alone can be trusted 100% to never leave. We are baptized unto His death and raised in His resurrection. He is the way, the truth and the life.
This is my choice. To take to Him my aching heart and desires. To let Him heal the wounds. To make Him the center from which my life revolves. To solemnly remember the mistress and to weed her from my heart dilgently.
posted by sun2maro at 7:01 AM
